“The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
I guess the time to contemplate whether you have lived or just existed through the last 25 years is not exactly on your birthday. But I have chosen today, lest the thoughts vanish in another moment.
And yeah, today is uneventful (Except for the dinner date with my husband this evening). Nevertheless, I am in a state of disbelief.
I don’t want to just fade away. I would like to leave a trail and say that I have travelled this way one day. And a worthy way at that. In another time, in another set of mind and dreams, in totally another range of attitude that I think I had had, my concerns would have been different.
I have to admit that there was a time when I thought of 25 as so big and grown up. Everyone of us have. And there was a time when the visions I had of myself at 25 included another home, a baby, a job, and several other matters that held the title ‘Settled’. But life looks so far – not so far, still far – from any of these. Instead, here I am still just as giggly when I got together with my best girl friends from school last week. Just the same – looking no different – may be better – than last year. (I owe one to love and happiness.)
Weird or not, nothing is that close to our plans. Or better yet, assumptions. I don’t think a book was in the picture back then. But today as I reflect upon what has happened and what has remained and yes, what has been promising… I see beautiful views. Perhaps nothing is the same as I had one wished for. Most things are more than I wished for.
I have a book with my name printed on it. 🙂
I see myself working to have more of those tangible dreams. 🙂
I have readers. From places and spheres I have never been to. 🙂
I have friends that I have found to have remained across time, changed and distances. 🙂
I have my family with me. And I have a loving husband waiting there for me to start our life together once done with college. 🙂
I have a part time job that I like, one that gives me the satisfaction of being self reliant and helpful. 🙂
And yeah, I’m finishing my degree in one of the noblest medical sciences ever found – Homeopathy. 🙂
I am 25 and I have a list of good things to think of.
But still I had this pang when I sort of chose to think that I am closer to 30 now than I was last year. That’s a pretty twisted thing to think. May be it’s the feeling that I haven’t done all that I can – could have – in this span of time. But how do you measure that? No space for comparison in that matter because each of us are different.
This pang of a need to leave a mark before leaving is perhaps what drives me.
I am a Muslim girl from a conservative society but I want to make that the reason for a positive difference rather than an excuse not to try.
This is a sane need, I reckon. A fair thinking.
And that’s how I decided to give change a try. I have ordered two new books from amazon.in. Two authors I have never read before (will talk about that after I get my books) but reviews tell me they are the kinds I need to read to take the leap of faith – to shift genres, to try new spheres, to believe in the capability of my own words… To be really different. To break away from myself and the box that’s my life and float away to distances and places undiscovered.
To dare to try more…
I have a story to tell – a different one that still has no shape in my mind. But I already know that to tell that story, I need to master my own thought process, muster some amount of courage. To begin that kind of change, something has got to change in my reading. I guess that’s the place to start from. To embark on my journey for a change in the literary side of the person I am.
However, for a person who was feeling dispirited and a tad bit old on her 25th birthday, there’s nothing better than being able to write a poem that’s inspirational, to self and others. 🙂
So, here it goes:
All It Takes
All it takes is sometimes a glance
To get on your feet and blithely dance…
All it takes is sometimes a kiss
To remember that one true promise…
All it takes is sometimes a twist
To find yourself lost in a hazy mist…
All it takes is sometimes a pause
To learn that fate isn’t always the cause…
All it takes is sometimes a song
To realize that life does not last so long…
All it takes is just the right spirit
To live today like it’s the last precious bit…
© Sana Rose 2013
Have a great day or evening, as it goes, everyone.
Love and Peace to All…