Just the other day, I was talking to my friend, who happens to be Elias again, and at some point in the funny, comfortable conversation, I told him, “I remember you had thick lashes on your eyes, do they still?” He was my classmate in 4th Grade and it wasn’t an age that really made favourable friendships between boys and girls. Years later, I met him online and though we hadn’t forgotten each other, we were different. (No one is as he was in 4th grade, a considerable years later, and in our case, twelve or thirteen.) I still remembered somehow that he loved reading. I have no idea where I ever got that information from but at times it’s weird to realize what all we remember.
Anyway, I could use it, couldn’t I? After all, I am an author with my debut book out and all.*** So, when I asked him about his eyes, he was like, when he agreed to it.*** I couldn’t hold back a chuckle. I liked the expression and I told him as much. And he said, desperate to even out the embarrassment ***, “I still remember that you were an irritating nerd.”
That made me laugh even more because what else did one expect otherwise, just thinking of the sheer innocence of it? 😀
It just wouldn’t register as a personal comment, because I bet that is the only thing he or any other guy would remember about the girls in their class back then, when they are nine or ten, unless they had an early crush on someone. True, that one, he confessed. 🙂 ***
And I said, “Trust me, I’m a writer!”
And he was like, “Why would I trust a writer, when I don’t even trust my doctor or lawyer?”
That was the turning point of my thoughts and I further asked him, “Who do you trust?” knowing the answer. And I stop the exact report of our conversation here because I don’t want to make this blog his story *** 😉 and because our conversation really did end with a few more texts. Though we planned to talk about it, we couldn’t as it was getting late for me. So we’ll do it another day.
Trust is like petroleum in today’s world. It takes a long time to make and evaporates in a short time. It’s exhausting due to exploitation. And we can’t really blame someone when he or she says, “I don’t trust so and so,” or even “I don’t trust you.” As much as it hurts, we might as well remember that there might be a deeper hurt in them. Or it is necessarily not about being hurt but just being not able to trust anyone or anything completely, or being unable to think of a name when they are asked, “Who do you trust?” rather than “Who do you trust most?”. Yeah, when comparison is omitted, we don’t have a lot of answers, do we? But then, maybe it’s something we can work on and build up, though it may take time. Building up trust without a negotiating contract or lease. If it was about a lease, it would never be Trust with all its crudeness and uncertain thrill and commitment that didn’t take a signature.
Last night, I asked the same to myself. “Sana, who do you trust?”
But, fortunately or unfortunately, I had many names that I couldn’t point to one. The result is the same. I couldn’t point one name. He couldn’t point one name. Because I have too many people I trust in my life including him***. And for him, he didn’t know. That’s how different two people are, no matter how same their positions are in the end.
I trust people so easily, I don’t know why, after all those times I had been hurt by betrayal and broken promises. But it’s just a part of my system to trust people. There might be people who value it and respect it. There might be those who exploit it, and hurt me in the end. But either way, when I meet someone, I prepare to trust them. Either you get to be close to them, or you will lose them. May be after all those times of hurt, my defensive mechanism was not to avoid trusting someone, but rather being ready to face the pains that might come with trusting someone.
So, what do you think? Which is simpler and better?
Just forgetting the word Trust, the feeling of trusting another person? Or just being all set and ready to face the stabs that might come with the package of trust and relationships?
I chose the latter, because it had a strengthening effect on my heart. And I believe life would be bland, insecure and confused when you are just not ready to trust another person other than yourself.
So that was just an extension of my thoughts after the conversation.
A note to Elias: Please add “Forgive me for saying that” at every point I added three stars like ***. 🙂 I know you won’t mind. (I hope!)
Well, now to what’s happening at my end. 🙂
Just the headlines.
*Done with Exams for now. 🙂
*Warming up to get back to writing the novel. Entertaining readers on my fan page. 😀
*Poetry is still going on.
*Joined a team of writers and thinkers on the Editorial board of a site, Kahihi: A Viewspaper. Not A Newspaper.
*Hitching up for more projects like promoting that site, and maintaining its Facebook fan page and stuff like that. I am glad that I am doing some serious grown up works now. *Grins*
*Wondering what happened to the footer widget area in my blog. I can’t find it today. And logging in is a convoluted process. Anyone who finds it, please report. (Just see if you can see it from your computer. There were 4 columns, with two black like boxes to my pages and some writings in the bottom of my blog. That’s the footer area, for those who don’t know.)
So now, it’s your turn. 🙂